When someone from one culture enters another, assumptions, misperceptions and biases often enter with them and are lodged toward them. Exiting the military and entering the civilian sector might not feel like a cultural shift. After all, you were a civilian before joining the military. But when you realize how vastly different the norms, language, mission, customs, rewards and sacrifices are, it is a huge cultural change.
In a recent coaching meeting with a Marine who left the military 12 months ago, he raised this question:
In a team meeting recently, I was sharing an aspect of my training (learned during my 15 years in the USMC) that related to our strategic planning efforts, and someone blurted out, “I thought you just ran around kicking down doors?” to which many in the room chuckled. I was dumbfounded and didn’t know how to respond. What should I have done?
What Is Ignorance?
By definition, ignorance means a lack of knowledge, information or education. It can refer to a general lack of knowledge or be specific to a particular subject and is distinct from stupidity, as it implies a lack of information rather than an inability to understand. The person uttering the misinformed comment may have heard someone talk about Marine Corps service, watched a movie or show about military duty, or gleaned this insight from memes or online posts.
While commonly understood as “stupid” or “rude,” ignorance is unknowing.
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Right and Wrong Ways to Address Military Ignorance
Someone treating you with ignorance is not permission for you to do the same. Your reputation, professionalism and commitment to understanding and compassion should reflect the way you respond.
1. Consider the Context
Was the person offering the comment trying to break tension in the room, get a laugh because they craved attention, thought they were being helpful, or something else? There’s no excuse for inappropriate or offensive comments, and you can’t know for sure their motivation, but assuming good intent is helpful. Giving the benefit of the doubt (maybe they thought they were helping you out?) is extraordinarily generous on your part and can diffuse a tense situation.
2. Consider the Person Offering the Comment
Sixteen years ago, when I began working alongside military veterans, I was all unknowing (“ignorant”). I hadn’t served and didn’t have friends or family members who’d worn our nation’s uniform and were available for me to ask questions. I asked a lot of questions, many of which were likely “dumb” and hopefully not offensive. I was met with patience and grace by those I asked, as they understood I was trying to understand, not get a laugh in the room.
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While you can’t truly know someone’s intentions, motivations and goals (if they tell you, that’s helpful, but even then they might be misleading you), look at their past behavior. Has the person been rude to you before? Are they constantly trying to steal the spotlight? Do they feel threatened by your success?
3. Respond with Grace
You might be tempted to shut down ignorance with sharp words, but remember, your reputation and personal brand are in the spotlight when someone publicly disrespects you. Being silent or submissive can be perceived as a lack of confidence to stand up for what you believe in and know to be right and true, but responding aggressively can be perceived as an attack on someone who might have neutral intentions but said something the wrong way.
4. Respond with a Question
When you feel disrespected, especially in public, instead of lashing out, ask for more information. In the situation above, the Marine might have replied with, “Tell me what you mean?” or “Not sure I understand, can you rephrase that?” This gives the other person a chance to offer a better and more clear explanation of their statement. If they repeat their statement and pile on with equally offensive comments, you could offer, “I encourage you to learn more about military service. I’m happy to spend time explaining my work in the Marine Corps to you or sharing some resources.”
In this way, you demonstrate calm and composure and not reacting to what might feel triggering.
It is never acceptable for someone to humiliate, insult or challenge you based on your military service. Ignorance, on the other hand, does not mean the goal was to ridicule. It may be a stupid question, but the intention might be innocent. We can’t know in the moment unless we learn more.
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